You know those moments in life that turn into stakes crushed into the ground of the path you’ve been walking; the moments that completely change you, change your life’s plan, or even the way you see people? We are all inevitably delivered moments that smother our ideals and desires. This thing called sin, it truly wreaks havoc on our world and our hearts. May is Lyme Disease Awareness month, which leads me to share about one of those staked moments I mentioned above.
In the Spring of 2019, pain began searing through my neck and head, my legs started burning with pain and my exhausted body began refusing to sleep. Years before, I struggled with health issues that landed me at Mayo Clinic. We thought we had an accurate diagnosis, that I wasn’t going to experience this again and I was going to be healthy. Since my husband and I had moved to D.C., we had to jump on finding new doctors. Eventually I received a new diagnosis, Lyme Disease. Something not common in Oklahoma but far more known in the North East. I could have told you zero things about this illness before my diagnosis came out of my doctor’s mouth.
Once I started treatment, I got worse. I had to step back from my job, eventually had to resign, and spent months on the couch. I’ve shed so many tears over the loss of my career, my physical strength, my mental sharpness, and the picture of life I had envisioned.
In the midst of my health journey, we also moved back to Oklahoma. A move we certainly didn’t expect so soon after settling into our DC careers. Through it all, I’ve experienced such dueling emotions—grieving the change and loss, yet finding God’s grace and goodness. God has certainly been with me. I wouldn’t choose pain, but while experiencing it, God has shown me beauty mixed into the thorns of my story.
Change is hard and most of the time is followed with loss. I’ve had to lament and mourn. It is healthy to do that, look at the Psalms.
Whether you are experiencing hard change now, walking through it with a friend, or preparing for the inevitable trials to come, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned.
Ask God for your desire, while also asking for endurance and faithfulness
Weaknesses and pain might be part of God’s greatest works in and through you. I am incredibly grateful for those who pray for my healing and I continue to ask for it, but I recognize that God is using my illness for my good (Romans 8:28). I believe God can heal me, but I trust that He will use every moment I’m not healed on this earth to direct my heart toward himself. In 2 Corinthians 12, we see that our earthly weakness is a platform which displays God’s power and grace in our life. A weakness I pray goes away might be part of God’s story for my life to display his goodness to me and to others. I don’t want to miss that.
Consider how your faithfulness might look different in times of change
Guilt became the default posture of my heart when I could no longer perform to the standards I once had for myself. As I began battling guilt for how many hours I laid on the couch unable to walk, my counselor gave me some advice. He encouraged me to simply ask God what faithfulness looked like for me in this new season God had given. Faithfulness meant spending time in prayer, not neglecting to read God’s Word, and encouraging my husband and friends with words more than physical actions. When massive change happens in our lives, capacity changes as well. It might mean doing more or it might mean doing less.
Acknowledge that suffering points us to Christ and our need for the gospel
I find great solace in the fact that the Christian life is lived knowing that suffering has purpose. We are refined and grown to understand why we need Salvation because we experience our fallen world. Paul says in Romans 5 that we rejoice in our suffering because it ends up producing endurance, character, and hope (which is ultimately in our salvation). James 1 describes how trials produce steadfastness. We see in 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 that this world and our bodies are withering away, but with Christ we are being made new and prepared for eternal glory with Christ. Have hope in the fact that our good God takes the pain we feel in this life to make us better and more holy. He sees our pain and even sympathizes with it (Hebrews 4:15-16).
While I continue to pray for healing this side of heaven, I have a promise of healing in the better kingdom ahead. Friends, as we experience shattered expectations, let us remember that one day, all pain will be gone. Disease will disappear. All tears will be wiped away and the wrong in this world will be made right. That is an awareness I want each and every month.
Meet the Author!
Danielle is a native Okie who lived a brief stent in Washington D.C.. She has been married to the man of her dreams, Caleb, for almost four years. Danielle spent just under five years working at Museum of the Bible, where she grew a love for creatively sharing the Bible with others. Danielle now works as a communications consultant and contractor for organizations with a gospel perspective. Danielle has a passion for the arts, specifically painting, and has a special love for her pup, Penny. Danielle and Caleb are proud members of Council Road and cherish opportunities to know and love God more through relationships and teaching in the body of Christ.