*Excerpt from Beyond Our Control: Let Go of Unmet Expectations, Overcome Anxiety, and Discover Intimacy with God by Lauren and Michael McAfee
Psychologist Dr. John Townsend is a family friend, and he once explained to me that the negative emotion often most closely associated with the concept of control, or a lack of it, is anxiety. The control/anxiety correlation rang true. The growing illusion that we have more control of our lives than previous generations seems to be leading us to a place of greater anxiety, not less.
True, some types of fear, worry, and anxiety are normal and healthy. For instance, if I’m preparing for a talk I’m going to give to a room full of people, I might feel dread because I haven’t had time to carefully craft my words. I might be worried that I’ll embarrass myself by getting tripped up in my words. But these are what I would call situational fears and anxieties, which can be productive in the end. These concerns can serve to make me rehearse well between now and the day of my talk, and to fine-tune my focus once I’m standing there on stage. Far more concerning are the fears and anxieties that don’t rise and fall with circumstances but rather just keep rising year after year.
In her book The Cost of Control, author Sharon Hodde Miller explores the connection between our desire for control and anxiety disorders. She wrote that “study after study has shown a link between feeling out of control and experiencing anxiety disorders.” Her research seems to show, that on some level, there is now a simmering fear that we might actually lose the control we think we’ve gained as a society. It is this fear that has led to greater worry and anxiety in our lives.
But how might we, with God’s help, fight against unnecessary feelings of anxiety and worry? I want to suggest that one step must be meditating on the truths of God’s character for comfort and perspective in a way that allows them to sink in to our hearts. It means we not only know, but we believe in the power of God and the scope of his sovereignty, as well as the love of God and the depth of his devotion. When things feel out of control, and anxiety is on the rise, meditating on God’s power combined with God’s love—that’s what can help put us more at ease. No matter how dark things seem, no matter how long the suffering runs, you are not alone in your peril, because God is near. You don’t need to fear. You don’t need to be anxious. He’s near. He sees. And he cares.
Our late friend Timothy Keller said it this way: “It takes pride to be anxious. I am not wise enough to know how my life should go.” In other words, overestimated control finds its root in our pride.
Keller also reminded us that “worry is not believing God will get it right, and bitterness is believing God got it wrong.” Yikes. That one hits a little too close to home. Anxiety can be a lack of trust in God. Anxiety reveals areas of our lives where we find ourselves questioning the goodness or the power of God.
As you face the reality of your own anxieties, especially around the holiday season, remember the apostle Peter exhorted believers to “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). The care of the Father is the compelling reason that we should cast our anxiety on God.
Now, if you are thinking that this is easier said than done, I’m with you. The fact is, there are real physiological factors that can cause ongoing anxiety to be an issue for people, and just reciting 1 Peter 5:7 is not enough to help. Sometimes, clinical attention is needed, which is why therapeutic professionals exist. Still, for all anxiety, regardless of its cause or its severity, we are benefited by remembering that God is not indifferent toward us. We aren’t an inconvenience to him. No, our Father cares for us. He longs to receive our cares. So go before your heavenly Father with all the anxieties and worries you have, and remember he is powerful enough to handle it, and loving enough to care.
1 Timothy Keller, Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God (New York: Penguin Books, 2014), 219.
2 Timothy Keller (@timkellernyc), Twitter post, September 13, 2021, 6:11 a.m., https://twitter.com/timkellernyc/status /1437373245418876936?lang=en.
Meet the authors!
Lauren McAfee is a PhD student in ethics and public policy from Southern Seminary. Lauren is author of Not What You Think, Only One Life, and Legacy Study. She also works at the Hobby Lobby corporate office as a project coordinator. She grew up in Oklahoma City and loves her church community at CRBC. Lauren and her high school sweetheart, Michael McAfee, have been married for over ten years and have two daughters, Zion and Zara. Connect with Lauren at www.laurenamcafee.com or on Instagram @laurenamcafee.
