“Yea, I think it’s fine, just a rib out of place so it hurts to breathe.”
I was on the phone explaining the situation to my husband in the aftermath of me trying to pack up for a family trip on my own. I am willing to admit, I have a problem. I am very motivated to do things on my own, sometimes to the detriment of my own body. Like in this instance, when I was doing a lot of heavy lifting (luggage, pack-n-play, double stroller) after a few days of nearly constantly holding my (growing and heavy) teething baby which had put a strain on my back. I decided I could get our stuff ready to load up and I was not waiting around for my sweet husband to be home (in which case he would have certainly been trying to do all of these things for me!). While I thought it would all be fine, my back decided it had other plans.
As I found myself lying on the floor hoping to be physically up for our trip the next day, I decided it may be okay to depend on the help of others from time to time. Have you ever been there? Convinced you could do it all on your own? Some of this I chalk up to a personality thing (I’ve always desired to be known as independent), but I also recognize where culture’s messages about independence have crept in my life in other, more consequential ways.
Living in our (western) culture, there is a prevailing message prioritizing individualization. This view sees every individual as their ultimate authority, and independence is to be highly prized. This worldview desires autonomy, seeking to avoid being tethered to the obligations of others. Having and expressing this level of individualization and freedom is highly desired.
To be sure, there are good things to be appreciated about the ability to have autonomy and self-determination. On the other side of the coin though, I’ve seen a mindset which views dependence on others as detrimental to having a fulfilling life. I know I’ve personally wrestled with this mindset.
If my worldview is focused on self-actualization, I will lose sight of seeing other people with the fullest picture of their dignity and worth as humans. No longer are people inherently valuable for who they are in God’s image, they are instead seen as beings that are to be kept at arm’s length so as not to cause dependence and slow me down from pursuing my own desires.
In a world that prizes individualization, how will our communities learn to feel about the disabled? How will our communities feel towards those who may depend on us someday? Having children (dependents) and growing elderly (depending on others) become categories to avoid at all costs. But the truth is, we’ve all come from a completely dependent stage, and we are all heading back toward a stage of life where we will be more and more dependent on others. Dependence will always be unavoidable.
How then should Christians consider individualization? Does it fit in a worldview shaped by what the Bible teaches? It is a good thing to have healthy levels of independence, but too often it comes at the cost of biblical community. It is actually the same temptation to isolate that Adam and Eve fell into in the garden of Eden. Instead of seeing dependence as a bad thing, believers should acknowledge dependence as a virtue, and a calling.
In the New Testament, the church shows a radically different view about community dependence than our culture – and in this view, all people have human dignity regardless of their ability to live independently or not (James 1:27, Matthew 19:14). Based on the Bible’s earliest view of a person, the most dependent individual is still to be seen with inherent worth, simply because they are a person made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Necessarily more dependent individuals have been given the gift of acknowledging their need for others that often escapes western Christianity and robs us of the rich communal life God designed us to live. The Bible calls each of us to depend on one another and care for one another.
Believers are a community that should see each other as family. This way of living shows a full embrace of human dignity that will push back against a wrong application of individualization and shows a more beautiful, caring and connected way of living.
Meet the authors!
Lauren McAfee is a PhD student in ethics and public policy from Southern Seminary. Lauren is author of Not What You Think, Only One Life, and Legacy Study. She also works at the Hobby Lobby corporate office as a project coordinator. She grew up in Oklahoma City and loves her church community at CRBC. Lauren and her high school sweetheart, Michael McAfee, have been married for over ten years and have one daughter, Zion. Connect with Lauren at www.laurenamcafee.com or on Instagram @laurenamcafee.
