One of our natural defaults is to believe that we best abide in community with people that are the same as us. The more dynamics and complexities you throw in, the more exhausting it becomes to even imagine chiseling out time for a friend with significant life differences.
The defaulting way of the flesh is to look around and find simple, relatable friends who can meld neatly into our lives. We see clubs, gyms, classes, and online chat rooms that exemplify the benefits and community around like-mindedness. This is not wrong. In fact, it’s a great starting point. The way of the Spirit is to build upon that. Look around and additionally find diverse, Christ-led companions on the journey of faith. This might look messier or more complicated.
We frequently fall into the idea that we would do best and struggle less in friendships with those in our same season of life. Aside from this being baseline sad and anti-familial, this is also robbing us of the joy and reward of cross-generational and multi-seasonal relationships!
Take some inventory through the following questions:
How many of my friends are in the same season of life as I am?
Which of my friends has very different struggles than I, due to their season of life?
Do I frequently have conversations with friends that do not directly apply to my own season of life?
In what ways have I gone out of my way to befriend someone outside my season of life?
The Bible tells us that “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6). Who are the lonely? Who are the families to receive them? And what benefit is there in creating a complex and complicated dynamic of different lives enmeshed, when it’s just so much simpler to commune within sameness?
The answer is “Your Kingdom come.” We reflect the beauty and reality of heaven when we cultivate the eternal design of companionship. When we pray “Your kingdom come”, we are inviting the Spirit to plant in us the desire and tenacity which builds a life reflective of the unity and diversity of heaven itself—of God’s Kingdom. Did you know we can each build God’s Kingdom here simply by having a friend who is different from us? Well, you can and it’s actually pretty fun!
Here are four elements/thoughts we could keep in mind as we go out of our way to befriend someone in a different season of life than us:
Invite someone into your context and share a meal.
Singles might open their apartment up to a wild, kid-filled family for a movie night and microwave dinners. A senior adult might invite a newlywed couple over for a meal around the table. Share your context!Be flexible, but intentional.
Your house might be a tornadic mess or your child may have a behavioral issue which disrupts an idealistic setting, but don’t let it stop you. Being flexible, vulnerable, and humble will always pay off when crossing season of life barriers. Find what works for you and the person you’re pursuing.Find the compromise.
The reason sameness is our default is because it warrants little compromise and is typically the most simple connection. In what ways can we generously compromise in our schedule, finances, spaces, and personalities in order to meet others where they are?Express gratitude to friends who are not like us.
“It means a lot to me that you sacrifice so much to stay in touch and spend time with me.”
“I’m really grateful for how different we are, and how that adds to our closeness.”
“I know sometimes you can’t understand where I’m coming from or relate, but I’m grateful you are present and check in on me.”
“I love that we are in different seasons of life, but still enjoy how God moves in our friendship.”
Meet the Author!
Hammocks, hot tubs, Spotify, close friends, campfires, poetic journal entries, and well selected fonts are all contributions to Hannah Hanzel’s ideal day. She can be found pining over these in her lamp-lit office at Council Road Baptist Church, serving as the Creative Director. She enjoys conversations that include dad jokes, travel plans, theology, art, and struggles with faith. Feel free to reach out: hannahhanzel@yahoo.com.
