It gets asked too much and not enough.
The importance of this question in relationships hit differently recently when I went to RSVP for a wedding. I hopped on the wedding website and after finishing my response, a second box popped up. It said, “What is the best advice you have for marriage?” I’ve been married for six years, which hardly means I have some sage wisdom to offer, but surely there was something I’ve learned of value. I thought for a while, leaving the safari window open on my phone. What could I put here that has been helpful for my marriage?
Prioritize date night….that seems too generic.
Pray together….I know this is already a part of this friend’s relationship.
Learn to speak one another’s love language….again, too generic.
I ended up writing in the box, “Regularly take time to ask the question ‘How are you,’ and then listen.” This may sound, once again, generic, but hang with me. When a co-worker or acquaintance asks, “How are you?” in passing, it is a polite greeting that steps a bit past “hello.” It is part of our small talk vernacular.
Now, think of someone you trust sitting across from you on the couch and asking you, “How are you?” They are holding a cup of coffee, with no sign of getting up anytime soon. They want to listen. They are ready to hear what has been swirling around in your mind. They aren’t ready to judge, to give quick fixes, or hurry you along. They want to support and hear what has been ruling your mind. They, as a friend of mine says, are ready to get in the well with you.
That is a different “How are you?”
This question has been asked a lot in our home this year as we’ve had some pretty significant events hit our family. It has become a lever that releases some of the mounting pressure, existing in the form of emotions like anxiety and fear. Personally, being asked this question has forced me to stop and assess what is ruling my thoughts and feelings. Often, I put words to something I’ve not taken the time to express just yet.
In the CRBC Thursday morning Women’s Bible study, we recently asked something like, “How do you care for the people in your church? How can you better stay connected to and serve the needs of those in the community God gave you?” Our group collectively answered that we needed to first not neglect to gather, but to encourage one another as Hebrews 10:25 says. When we gather and ask, “How are you,” we also practice Galatians 6:2, which says to bear one another’s burdens.
I’ll leave you with these questions:
Is God asking you to sit with someone in your community to listen as they answer your question of “How are you?”
Is God asking you to answer this question truthfully with a friend who has asked you, “How are you?”
May we be people who take time to listen and love one another well.
Meet the Author!
Danielle is a native Okie who stumbled into a life of creatively sharing the Bible. Danielle spent five years working at Museum of the Bible. She now works as the Director of Communications for Inspire Experiences and as a Digital Media Consultant for Voice of the Martyrs. She is also a student at Southern Seminary, pursuing a Masters of Arts in Theology. Danielle has a passion for the arts, specifically painting, and has a special love for her pup, Penny. She is married to the man of her dreams, Caleb. The Smiths are proud members of Council Road and cherish opportunities to know and love God more through relationships and teaching in the body of Christ.