When my husband Brennan was growing up here in Oklahoma City, he claimed he virtually lived at his best friend’s house. He told me all about late nights playing ping pong, swimming in their pool, destroying each other in basketball, and taking plenty of sodas from the refrigerator. Sure enough, when I started dating Brennan, I was also welcomed into that home with the same open arms.
From hosting Big Weekend groups for teens to graduation parties and wedding showers, Jarla Miles has done it all. When I picture my dream home, it is her home - a home that welcomes everyone in and is filled with love. I recently got to ask Jarla some questions about the gift of hospitality and opening your home as a host. Here are some of her tips, tricks, and stories:
BECCA: DID YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU HAD A GIFT FOR HOSPITALITY? HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT YOU ENJOYED IT?
JARLA: I don’t know that I ever thought about hospitality specifically. I thought my gift was more serving others in general. Over the years, I have learned that serving others goes hand in hand with hospitality. Back in my single days, my roommate and I were always the ones who had everyone over. Our apartment was the gathering place. I loved it! That’s what got me started.
BECCA: WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT HOSPITALITY OVER THE YEARS? HOW CAN A WOMAN MAKE HER GUESTS FEEL VALUED?
JARLA: I think the most important thing to remember is that hospitality is not about how nice, how big, or how clean your home is (for those young mom’s out there). I can remember feeling like I had to have my whole house spotless before anyone could come in! I had three boys under four years of age so spotless didn’t happen often. Little did I know other moms were struggling with the same thing. We all just needed a place to be.
Jarla Miles is wife to Marshall, mom to three sons and two (almost three) daughter-in-loves, and is Nana to Annalee and John Landon. Jarla graduated from OBU with a degree in Social Work and then worked in foster care and adoption services. She has become quite the world traveler in the past few years, doing her best to keep up with Marshall! But... her favorite place is home!
I had a friend in Minnesota named Laurie that taught me that. I didn’t know a soul when we moved there from Texas. I met Laurie at our church MOPS program. She invited me and my three boys over for a play date, and her house was a lovely mess. I learned that opening up your home is a gift because it was a gift to me that day.
I believe hospitality is about making people feel welcome, comfortable, and valued. I really try to listen and notice their favorite things. I pay attention to allergies or dietary restrictions so all feel welcome. When you provide what they enjoy or need, people feel so valued and loved!
BECCA: WHAT TYPE OF HOSPITALITY DO YOU ESPECIALLY LIKE TO OFFER? WHAT HAS WORKED BEST FOR YOU?
JARLA: Hospitality has changed for me over the years as my family has changed. It started with my roommate Karri and I having all of our single friends over. Once married, my husband Marshall and I started having young couples over for dinner parties. When my kids were young I’d have young moms and their kids over for playdates, which later transitioned to my husband and I teaching college kids in our home on Thursday nights.
We have hosted Sunday school parties, dinner parties, college and youth groups, had wedding showers, groom parties (we don’t call those showers, I guess), and Big Weekends - lots of Big Weekends!
As life changed and my boys got older, my goal was to be the house where my boys and their friends all wanted to hang out. I wanted their friends to know our home was a safe place where they could just walk in the front door and feel welcome. I’d always have their favorite snacks around the house. We’ve had lots of kids around our table over the years. Lots of conversations about God, school, life and relationships. Because they learned that they were welcome here, those conversations came easy.
I’m working on trying to figure out what hospitality looks like for me now. My season of life is different with my boys now bringing their wives and fiancees home. Hospitality opportunities have changed; my life has changed. However, my goal has not changed. I still want people to know they are loved, valued, and welcome in my home.
BECCA: SCRIPTURE SAYS THAT ALL OF US ARE TO PRACTICE HOSPITALITY, EVEN IF IT’S NOT OUR SPECIFIC “GIFT” FROM GOD. WHAT ADVICE OR ENCOURAGEMENT DO YOU HAVE FOR THOSE OF US WHO DON’T FEEL LIKE HOSPITALITY OR HOSTING IS OUR “GIFT”?
JARLA: You may be at a point in your life that you don’t feel you can have people in your home. That’s okay, because hospitality opportunities come in many different ways. Like I mentioned earlier, it goes hand in hand with service. It may be helping a friend host Big Weekend in their home, making a meal for someone, or inviting a young mom and her kids to join you at Chick-fil-a. It may be helping host a shower or greeting visitors at church. Developing relationships can happen in coffee shops too, not just homes. Value the people you are with, listen with an open heart, cultivate relationships, and be kind and welcoming to friends and strangers.
BECCA: SUCH GREAT ADVICE. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR TIPS ON HOW WE CAN ALL BE MORE HOSPITABLE!
Meet the author!
Becca Walker is a 2nd grade teacher in Edmond, Oklahoma. Her passion for kids mainly comes from the fact that she herself is still just a kid at heart. She and her husband, Brennan, love to serve in the church in many ways. Whether it is children’s ministry, youth, worship, or leading a young adult small group, they love it all! Becca’s main loves are her family, her pups Wrigley and Rizzo, her Savior, Old Navy, and of course, the incredible community at Council Road Baptist Church.