Is it possible to feel thankful for anything when you are reeling and in despair? I found myself grappling with this very question five years ago in the days leading up to Thanksgiving of 2019. My newly adopted daughter had shockingly just been diagnosed with cancer. Faced with the uncertainty of my daughter’s future, I was wrestling with the idea of being “thankful” for anything when my circumstances felt distressing. Reflecting on that hard season, I want to offer four suggestions for discovering gratitude and thanksgiving when faced with difficult circumstances.
1. Go to Jesus.
We have a very real and understanding friend in Jesus. He faced great suffering in his life, from persecution and betrayal to death on a cross. Hebrews 12:2 says, “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” This has always baffled me that Jesus could have walked toward the cross with joy in his heart. How is this possible? It is because He knew the reward, He knew what was on the other side of the cross. When we fix our eyes on our reward – Christ – we similarly can navigate the tension of holding opposite emotions, such as joy and hope amid despair and hardship.
2. Go to Jesus.
I am repeating this first step because even if we cognitively know that running to Jesus is the right thing, there are moments, maybe even days and months, where we don’t feel like running to him. Do so anyway. What better place to wrestle through your feelings about trusting God than with your loving and patient Savior who gave his very life for you? He is safe, and He is good. Truly, there is no better thing to do than to go to Jesus.
3. Lean on godly community.
When I’ve been in hard seasons and needed some additional perspective, my faith community has provided me a soft place to land with my struggles and doubts. They have listened and loved me well. They also helped remind me of the promises of Scripture to give me hope.
4. Create space to lament, so you can step into joy.
I thought that I could only feel one side of things – either negative or positive emotions. Yet, as I walked greater seasons of hardship and loss, I found that God in his immensity has created us with capacity for much more than I realized. My friend and psychologist, Dr. John Townsend, reminded me of this when saying, “research states that one of the hallmarks of emotional health is a person’s ability to simultaneously hold differing, even contradictory experiences…healthy people can hold the tension and live well with it.” John also pointed to Jesus as the path forward with navigating that tension, because ultimately only Jesus can fully understand our pain, and Jesus is also the only one that can bring us peace.
I think about that hard season and I am deeply thankful that my daughter eventually went into remission and is thriving today. However, not all my hard circumstances have ended positively. But even when things stayed hard or ended with loss, these four steps served me because they start with Jesus. He sees you, knows you, and loves you. And that is reason to be eternally thankful.
Meet the authors!
Lauren McAfee is a PhD student in ethics and public policy from Southern Seminary. Lauren is author of Not What You Think, Only One Life, and Legacy Study. She also works at the Hobby Lobby corporate office as a project coordinator. She grew up in Oklahoma City and loves her church community at CRBC. Lauren and her high school sweetheart, Michael McAfee, have been married for over ten years and have two daughters, Zion and Zara. Connect with Lauren at www.laurenamcafee.com or on Instagram @laurenamcafee.
