One trait of Council Road that I love is that there is an emphasis on group life and building relationships with other believers. God commands community throughout the Bible. For example, 1 Corinthians 12 goes into detail about being members of one body and having many parts/gifts.
However, community can be difficult. People hurt and disappoint us. Insecurities get in the way of being authentic. Upbringings make trusting people hard. The people around us don’t always want to have deep and meaningful relationships that go beyond the surface.
We need a plan to move forward in building meaningful relationships in the midst of loneliness and Jennie Allen does just that in her book Find Your People. Through Scripture, science, and personal experience, Jennie Allen makes a case for the importance of community and why it is so difficult for us now. She shares vulnerable stories of heartbreak in her own friendships and how the Lord has used those as growing and strengthening opportunities. Allen brings some tough truths to our attention about how we live in our western culture and the excuses we can make as to why we can’t have meaningful friendships. Then she breaks down some practical advice by showing us what to look for in friends, how to overcome barriers, push past the awkward, work through conflict, and have healthy friendships.
One of my favorite portions of the book is Allen challenging the reader to conduct a 5 week experiment in his/her life by breaking down 5 practices and the barriers we face:
Proximity (this barrier is busyness) - Who do you see most often and where? Who do you come into contact with at work, church, kids’ school, gym, etc? Put yourself out there and try to connect with these people.
Transparency (this barrier is pain/shame) - Who can you be yourself with? Transparency waters intimacy so to build intimate friendships, we have to learn to be vulnerable. Every single person craves being known and loved.
Accountability (this barrier is pride) - “Choose friends who have the potential to make you better. Then allow them to do just that (pg. 123).” Choose friends who are wise and know God. Give permission to a set few to speak hard truth.
Shared Purpose (this barrier is shallow/small talk) - How can you bring purpose to the friendships you have? “God gives the people who follow Him a shared purpose, along with gifts that require us to depend on each other to accomplish that purpose (pg. 147).” Living on mission together brings you closer to one another.
Consistency (barrier is conflict) - Research shows that to go from an acquaintance to a good friend, one has to clock two hundred hours together (“How to Make Friends? Study Reveals Time It Takes,” KU News Service). When we make the decision to not quit on each other, conflict is safe. Learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way will bring us close together.
During groups month this year, I encourage you to pick up a copy of Find Your People to read. Maybe choose a few women in your life to read through the book with and discuss what it means to live in community with one another. Let us each ask the question, How can we look more like the body of Christ?
Meet the author!
Addi Suenram is married to Merritt Suenram. Addi is passionate about using writing as an avenue to help Christians pursue God and go deeper in their faith. She can also use poetry to speak about the problem of pain and the hope of Jesus Christ.
She has been speaking at church events, both for youth groups and adults, for six years. She was the keynote speaker at the 2014 Relay for Life event. Addi has also spoken at two YMCA Livestrong programs for cancer survivors.