When I look back over the story of my life, it is a rather curious tale of what God has used and how. As a teenager, I longed to do and be something extraordinary for God. I felt I was the least likely candidate to do so, but I was tired of feeling average. I saw absolutely no discernable talents in myself and was fed up with being intimidated by my lack of Bible knowledge and overwhelming feelings of inferiority.
At nineteen, I boldly (and uncharacteristically) told God, “I will do anything, be anything, go anywhere You want”, fully expecting Him to capitalize on that and lead me to do something quite dramatic for His kingdom. Real Elizabeth Elliott/Mother Theresa type stuff. Go to the ends of the earth to sacrificially serve the unreached, turn the world upside down, and lead the masses to know God and make Him known -- that is the story I wanted my life to write for God. Interestingly, He had something very different in mind.
Instead, I fell in love with and married a wonderful man who was going into a third generation trucking business in my hometown, where basically everyone I knew and was related to lived. Where was the drama in that?
When we moved to our home town, I brought with me some skills I’d learned to study the Bible, a handful of verses I clung to that proclaimed who God said I was and that He was big enough to fill in my colossal gaps, and sheer determination to believe Him. Turns out those are the very things that God has most used in my story -- not my adequacy, but what appeared to be my lack, combined with a toddler like dependency on Him and the lynch pin to my story: availability.
My intimidation of the Bible fueled me to learn how to study it. A college discipleship ministry showed me how and I drank from their teaching like a water-deprived dog in an Oklahoma August. Over the years, I have read books, tried a wide variety of study tools, asked a considerable amount of questions and copiously taken notes from people who knew how to do what I did not.
Because I was available, I led Bible study groups and started discipling others looooooong before I was even remotely comfortable and confident doing so. That, combined with a history of overwhelming feelings of inferiority, caused me to cling to God like a codependent disciple. It drove me deeper into His Word to ensure I was sharing it correctly and has allowed me to sit spellbound as I have uncomfortably yet beautifully experienced Him work out 2 Corinthians 3:5 repeatedly in my life, “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God”.
I have learned that it is not my adequacy that God most wants or needs. He is adequate enough for the both of us. What God most wants is my availability.
God used my intimidation of His Word and my willingness to learn how to study it to eventually lead me to teach its truths and how to study it to other women. From my babysitters to ministry co-laborers and women I have never personally met, He has used my availability immeasurably more than I could have imagined.
No, I’m not serving in the far corners of the world. My life doesn’t look very dramatic. People will not write biographies about me after I die. However, God has generously allowed me to teach and disciple from both my hometown church and from speaking opportunities far beyond what a girl with no Biblical upbringing, connections, confidence, or previously discernable talents could ever do on her own. And in the midst of it all, He has graciously allowed me to uncover and develop some gifts I did not know He had given me.
So there you have it: intimidation of God’s Word + overwhelming feelings of inadequacy + dependency on God + availability = a story being written for His purposes.
And, because I am still hungry to better know God and His Word, I started seminary last week to begin a Master of Biblical Studies. Yep, at the ripe age of 61! Apparently, God is still writing my story and I am here for the adventure.
How about you? How will you allow God to use your story?
Meet the Author!
Bible teacher, author, inspirational speaker and disciple-maker, Vickey Banks is passionate about helping women connect the dots between God’s Word and their everyday lives. She loves serving as Women’s Ministry Director at Council Road, celebrating her people, playing with her puppy and getting lost in a good story.