When I agreed to write a blog post on the topic of “grief”, I did so exactly one week before my nephew unexpectedly passed away. I had thought it would be an easy topic for me considering how much I had meditated on the subject. What I didn’t expect was to be writing on the topic in the midst of another fresh season of grief.
This month, my sister who was pregnant with her precious baby boy Oliver, unexpectedly went into labor early resulting in my nephew being born premature and then passing away moments later. It was an unexpected tragedy that rocked our family and cut us to the core.
Loss comes for us all, and sometimes when we least expect it. There are no words, no solutions, no quick fixes to take away the agony of grief after loss. But as I reflect on my lived experience, one theme continues to rise to the surface: the importance of pressing into truth.
One of the most important things we can do as we wrestle through our grief is to make space for marinating in truth.
Seasons of grief can cause us to question what we thought we believed in the good times. We must use the hard seasons and those of doubt to drive us deeper into a relentless faith in the good character of God by reminding our hearts over and over again of what we find in scripture. It will not only guide us, but comfort us.
Knowing this to be necessary, a few days after my nephew Oliver passed away, I slipped in the back of my church where I knew I would be pointed toward the truth and glory of my Savior. I felt raw and uncertain about being out in the normal routine of life. As I sat in the back row, during the welcome moment, one of our pastors shared the simple phrase, “He is faithful.”
I was surprised when the first thing I did was question the statement in my mind, asking myself, “Is He faithful?” My pain had brought me to question God’s faithfulness. In that moment, my thoughts were centered on wanting a God that allowed Oliver to still be with us. If God wasn’t meeting my desires, my instinct was to question Him.
Maybe you’ve had these moments in life, where you’ve found yourself facing doubts in the midst of grief. It is okay to question, and to doubt. But in those moments, it is important to gently nudge your heart toward truth. The truth that God is good, He is faithful, and He is with us in our grief.
One of the most comforting things for seasons of grief is knowing that we are not alone. Our God is a Savior who is not unable to sympathize with us in our weak moments. (Heb 4:15) Instead, our God is one who, through his incarnate son Jesus, has grieved too.
Consider Jesus’s life. He was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3). Jesus knew what it was to be grieved. One of the most familiar verses because of its brevity, is also one that depicts Jesus in grief where we see in John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Jesus, feeling the impact of the loss of Lazarus, was moved to tears. And not just a simple, single tear, but weeping tears.
If you’ve ever seen someone truly weep, you know how intense it can be. Our Savior, Jesus, has been there. He has wept. It is a powerful picture to imagine Jesus, in his full humanity, bent over in such great sorrow that he is weeping, perhaps even groaning, from the pain of the loss that he and his community are facing. Jesus faced grief. He was fully human and experienced the painful emotions as such, even while being fully God.
Read through the gospels and you will find other moments in Christ’s life that may have warranted tears as well, even if they aren’t recorded. This gives me comfort even as I face my grief because I know I am not alone. I know I have a Savior who knows, who sees, who loves, who understands, and who cares.
And ultimately, I have a Savior who took on the ultimate loss – giving up his own life and experiencing separation from His Father – so that I might have hope for today and hope for eternity through faith in Him.
Yes, Jesus grieved, too. And what a gift of comfort that is for our own grief.
Meet the authors!
Lauren McAfee is a PhD student in ethics and public policy from Southern Seminary. Lauren is author of Not What You Think, Only One Life, and Legacy Study. She also works at the Hobby Lobby corporate office as a project coordinator. She grew up in Oklahoma City and loves her church community at CRBC. Lauren and her high school sweetheart, Michael McAfee, have been married for over ten years and have one daughter, Zion. Connect with Lauren at www.laurenamcafee.com or on Instagram @laurenamcafee.
