I confess that I cannot do life on my own. I’ve tried and it doesn’t work out for me.
In my time alone with Jesus, I’ve been reading about being so close with Him that it seems we are sitting side by side. That’s when He imparts His heart, His wisdom about my life. That’s what I want. I desire to be so close with Him that He can whisper and my ear will catch His next step for me.
For more than 25 years, I have heard an eating disorder scream at me, telling me not to eat a bite… telling me that I don’t deserve to eat. That’s my normal, so this is the opposite in my life. I want opposite. I will work for it and wait for it, because this means I can have a chance at really living life today. I’m going in a new direction. I am seeking revelation for deep healing. Surface healing is often temporary.
“The enemy wants me to believe that there is no deep relationship to be had with You – that there are no longer deep waters available for me. But I see differently. I see hope in the lives of others who have obeyed You and listened to You so much that they overflow from being side by side with You, Lord. ”
Today after doing my morning errands, I purposefully went to our local lake to stop and get alone with Jesus. We are in the middle of a drought so our lake is more of a pond-ish puddle, but it is still breathtaking—especially when there is at least one sailboat working its way to deeper waters.
I found myself drawn to a bench on the other side of a lighthouse where there were some large rocks, and I just sat down. The breeze was perfect—it made my hair fall across my eyes, then my face. I closed my eyes and just thought about my Lord. Sitting out there, I wasn’t hurting. My mind wasn’t thinking abusive thoughts. The sun was shining on my freckled face and it felt life-giving and good to me.
As I sat there longer, I briefly opened my eyes; they were drawn to a tall bird to my left and I began to laugh. It was a crane standing in shallow mud… just stuck. I so know how you feel, Miss Crane! There is so much water on this earth, but you are stuck in the mud in a drought where there used to be deep water! Please, Jesus… I’ve been stuck in the pit of wrong choices and it hurts. The enemy wants me to believe that there is no deep relationship to be had with You – that there are no longer deep waters available for me. But I see differently. I see hope in the lives of others who have obeyed You and listened to You so much that they overflow from being side by side with You, Lord. Needless to say, today I am determined not to be that crane!
“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.” (Psalm 25:4-5)
Purchase Stacee's New Book:
You are Worth Saving!
Want to hear more? Stacee's new book, You Are Worth Saving, has recently been released and is available at both Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You Are Worth Saving is more than a story of Stacee's ongoing journey of recovery from anorexia, depression and self-harm. It is a message of hope and encouragement for those who struggle to not give up, to look to God for help, hope and life and to begin to find a new way to live.
A note from the editor: Do you feel stuck? Do you long for deeper waters with God? If so, please don’t keep those feelings to yourself. There is hope and healing available for us all. Check out what we have available for women at www.councilroadwomen.org or join one of our Celebrate Recovery (CR) groups every Friday, beginning with dinner at 5:45 p.m. You are always welcome at CR and may enter through the East door of our main facilities.
Meet the Author!
Lover of diet coke and long strolls at the mall, Stacee Goetzinger is an author, speaker, wife, mother, daughter and friend. Psalm 118:17, "I will not die but live, and proclaim what the Lord has done," is her life verse and describes her passion to allow God to use the pain of a lengthy battle with mental illness and an eating disorder to write and speak words of hope, courage and life.
Connect with Stacee at Speakoutloud.me.