Many people get to the point in life where they become caretakers for those who used to take care of them. We asked members of our church walking this path right now or recently having walked this path to share some of their reflections and thoughts about this with the blog. We are so grateful for their vulnerability and honesty. We ask that you take the time to read all of these responses and reflect on how you can support and love your community members that are current caretakers as well as those they care for. These responses are shared anonymously.
What are some things people don't know about caring for loved ones who are older/sick?
Caring is as unique as each person; there's never a cookie cutter way to care for and tend to needs of a loved one. Even within the same week or day can bring on new ways that care should be given. The caregiver must be flexible not just in time and change of plans, but sometimes be literally, physically FLEXIBLE. The caregiver is often tasked with making schedules, keeping track of doctor appointments, joining them for doctor appointments, getting medicines, administering medications, learning how those meds are afffecting the loved one, communication with the doctors' offices, preparing meals, running errands, dealing with insurance, medicare, medicaid, finances. The list can go on and on. Having a signed POA for healthcare and finances is extremely helpful in dealing with all of these situations. It is good to get these things in place before a loved one even needs it. Doing so can sure take some of the pressure off later. Also, having a DNR signed long before it is an issue can be extremely beneficial; that way you know what your loved one's wishes are, not leaving anyone trying to guess while under the weight of all of the emotional developments. Trying to get anything done without those documents in place can be extremely challenging, which can add frustration to the daunting tasks of trying to do those types of things for someone else. (It's hard enough to make decisions for ourselves, much less for someone else.) It is best to have those things signed well before they are needed because you just never know.
__________________________________________________________________________
One thing is that even when I am not physically with my parents I am thinking about them and their welfare. I want to respect their wishes to remain in their home but I know it is extremely taxing on my dad to care for my mom who has advanced dementia.
___________________________________________________________________________
It is a PRIVILEGE to minister to the people who cared and loved me as a child. It is one of the HARDEST things you will ever do. Changing family roles from child to caregiver is more than changing your title.
How can the church/those close to you help support you while you're in the midst of caring for a loved one?
Friends and the church can offer support to you by simply reaching out, letting the caregiver know that they are missed when unable to attend, keep inviting you to things, offer to bring you a meal, listen if you need to talk about things or air out some frustrations, or understand they might have a strong need to not talk about it at all--to just "get out of the zone" for a few hours.
___________________________________________________________________________
My parents have been blessed with some wonderful friends who check on them regularly. One special friend mails them a card encouraging them every week and some of dad’s friends will come and take him for coffee to let him have some time away. Just showing them they are not forgotten is very meaningful. These things I have mentioned really help ME because when others are giving them attention, they feel loved.
___________________________________________________________________________
Provide RESPITE, once a week to allow the Caregiver time to breath. Provide groups to WALK, SHARE, & PRAY with. Someone who know what is happening.
What are some things you're grateful for in this season/when you were in that season?
Although caring for your loved one can be very taxing, it is also a very meaningful, sweet time. There is a lot of together time and much of that can be quite rewarding. Sitting with them at the table while they eat can be a great time to ask your loved one of their childhood and life experiences. Riding in the car and waiting at the doctor's office are also great times for conversation, if you let them be. I found it helpful just to relax in those moments and give my undivided attention to my loved ones, ask a question or two and let them talk, and soak in all they had to say.
___________________________________________________________________________
I am grateful to be in a season where I am more available to help and spend time with my parents - sometimes it really feels like caring for children again which is sad but also can be very sweet.
___________________________________________________________________________
GOD provided me with a loving Christian husband, that allowed me to quit work, take care of THE TASK AT HAND, and prayed with and for me. GOD gave me (an adopted child) the HONOR of finding my GOD Given Purpose. You see these three family members I was able to minister to had no other family members that would step up. PRAISE THE LORD, with HIS HELP AND LEADERSHIP, I was able to assist in the care of the first three praying christian people that became my earthly family!!!!!!
Is there anything you want to say to encourage others or remind the church of when it comes to caring for elderly?
It's important for others to realize the caregiver is weary and needs to feel love and support from friends, family and their church because caregiving can be a very difficult road, emotionally, physically and mentally. Just acknowledging the load that is being carried can be a huge encouragement, because honestly you go through spells you feel like no one notices or cares. Caregiving can be very lonely. One side note: when the caregiving is completed it can leave the caregiver trying to figure out how to return to living their own life again. The church can be instrumental in helping those who are transitioning out of this type of service to loved ones. Those who have already walked that road of service to ailing family should lead the way in this type of ministry to those who have ministered well and are looking for a new way to use their energy. Anyone can provide encouragement, and there is a great need for this. The church and its people should lead the way. Finally, be patient and supportive and remember someday you might be in a similar situation, because we are all getting older each day.
___________________________________________________________________________
It can sometimes be awkward or uncomfortable because Mom doesn’t always know people or remember them (but she pretends to then asks later “now who were those people?’ - sadly it happens with family members as well…but I would encourage people to pray for them when the Lord brings them to mind. Cards & calls are appreciated (although dad hesitates to answer calls because he can’t hear!!) I understand how busy everyone is and it is hard to make time for anything else but really any kind of acknowledgment that you remember them and miss them speaks volumes.
___________________________________________________________________________
Matthew 25:40 Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.