I am a conflict avoider. I know it isn’t the wisest response in all situations, so sometimes even I have to step into a conversation I would rather not have. The picture above is a case in point.
For months, I have been dreading being one of two women on a panel addressing the topic of women in ministry. If ever there was a controversial topic in my circles, this is it. And the largest contingent in the audience I was facing? Male Southern Baptist pastors - a group not often considered the friendliest towards women in ministry and the use of all of our gifts in local churches. With them and many discouraged women in ministry in one room, I feared contention. What I encountered instead was something truly beautiful: men and women searching God’s Word and contemplating together how we could best work as brothers and sisters in the family of God.
How have we overlooked that “brothers and sisters” is the pervasive metaphor describing the church in the New Testament? Brothers and sisters are part of the same family and are therefore to act like family. All are equally valued. Brothers and sisters are supposed to work, serve, learn, grow, and play together for the greater good.
After weeks of studying the Scriptures specifically addressing women in the church, I found myself in a theater watching the mega hit movie Barbie. In some ways, it was a whiplash from where my focus had been. But, I couldn’t help but notice that, similar to church environments, things were not best for the Kens when they were minor participants in a “Barbie World” run by the Barbies. Likewise, things were not best for the Barbies when the Kens took over. Things were not best for anyone when everyone did not work together for the greater good.
As a woman in vocational ministry, I understand that environments in many churches and ministry spaces look and feel like a man’s world. As such, it should be expected that women often feel devalued and like only some of our contributions and giftings are wanted. (We’ll take the service and the encouragement; You keep the teaching and discernment.) As a Women’s Minister, I will forever advocate for the importance of women-only spaces to properly address topics and concerns unique to us, to create the type of vulnerability and depth of sharing that happens only when it is just us girls. I will also advocate that we be brought more fully into the ministry of our entire church families. However, we women also need to do a better job of stepping into the mixed gender family spaces already available.
Time and again, I find myself in mixed gender church environments where women rarely speak, even when their voice is welcomed. When it is time to discuss a passage in the Bible or to share prayer requests in a Small Group environment, the sisters who couldn’t quit talking when sitting together at a table suddenly go silent. When women serve on church committees where they were asked to serve, it has been my experience that most of them are far less likely to comment, question, or lead out, regardless of their deep concerns, wisdom, and experiences. Especially in our complementarian environments, we seem fearful or unsure if it is okay to enter into discussions and decision making, even when given the chance. We allow self-focused concerns like how we will be perceived to keep us from obeying God by faithfully using the gifts He has given and instructed us to use for the greater good of our church family (Romans 12; 1 Corinthians 12; 1 Peter 4:10).
Yes, we need our women-only environments. Yes, we need our brothers to make space for us in serving our broader church family. And yes, we need to more faithfully step into the conversations and opportunities that are already ours to have. Conflicts happen in families, but we need to enter into this conversation. As Christ-honoring brothers and sisters, we must serve together well, not only because it is better for all of us, but most importantly because loving and serving together is how we image God to a watching world (John 13:35).
Whatever your experiences, knowledge, and spiritual giftings are, share them with your church family for the greater good. Sisters, step into your place in the family of God.
Meet the Author!
Bible teacher, author, inspirational speaker, and disciple-maker, Vickey Banks is passionate about helping women connect the dots between God’s Word and their everyday lives. She loves serving as Women’s Ministry Director at Council Road and as a Lifeway Women’s Ministry Trainer, pursuing a Master of Biblical Studies at Moody Theological Seminary, celebrating her people, and getting lost in a good story.