Toxic community.
After writing my outline for this article, I happened to turn on Hamilton’s “You’ll Be Back” (performed by King George III) sitting in the car line so I could surprise my first grader with her favorite song from the musical. While sillily singing along, it hit me, this song has all the elements of a toxic community that I had just outlined: gaslighting, misuse of power, and possessiveness.
It took 18 long months for my oldest child to start sleeping through the night. There were weeks where I was sleeping in 20-60 minute spurts and barely staying awake despite the IV of coffee I lived on. I was in pure survival mode. The last thing on my mind was how I could serve God by making disciples and serving others. All I could focus on was when I could catch a nap and how to be needed the least amount possible by others. I knew this couldn’t be what God intended motherhood to look like, but I couldn’t see a way out either.
